What to Look For in a Best Friend

Last night, I spent a couple hours catching up on The Bachelorette, and there was a lot of talk about the qualities you look for in a mate or a partner: they're kind, they're loyal, they make you laugh, they bring out your best.

In a few weeks, Donny and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, and I can attest this list is true. But before I even met Donny, I started a relationship with a person who has seen me at my best and worst, has supported me and challenged me, and who is honest and respectful as well as kind and loving. This person is my best friend, and today is her birthday.

Many years ago, we would have gone out clubbing to celebrate this day and partied til the wee hours of the morning; today started with a Facetime call with our kids still in our jammies or fresh out of the shower (literally!), and we'll hopefully go out for a nice dinner another time. But that's ok. Best friends get it.

I know I am truly fortunate to have three people I can call my best friends/partners: from birth, my sister, from our teenage years, Marliese, and a life partner, Donny. 

And if you are a hopeless romantic like I am, and you watch hours of reality love shows, I'll tell you-- the qualities of a best friend are no different than the qualities of a partner. 

Here are some qualities that make a great best friend: 

Someone Who Supports You

A best friend supports you. This doesn't necessarily mean they agree with you all the time, but they do support you. It means they have your back, they'll catch you if you fall, they'll promote you and cheer you on.

Someone Who Challenges You

A best friend challenges you to step outside of your comfort zone but respects you if you're not ready (see above for support). Someone who tells you if you're holding back and pushes you to be better. 

Personality wise: Marliese and I are quite different; when I was younger, I was more reserved and Marliese brought out some silliness. As adults, we remind each other to be confident and believe in ourselves.

Someone Who Stands Up for You

Literally. Call it coincidence or call it the universe, but Marliese and I married best friends. Donny and Mike have been friends since they were young kids. Marliese and I met in high school, and we met the guys in university.

Donny and I proudly stood up as Maid of Honour/Best Man at Mike and Marliese's wedding, while she did the same for me. We are also godparents to one of their boys, as they are to Isabelle. 

Someone to Adventure With

Ok, so everyone's definition of adventure is different, and I'm not a particularly "adventurous" person. But between getting lost in the city, weekends of clubbing, camping for the first time, and travelling to Europe, we've had our share of adventures. And thus, our share of stories and memories. 

Someone Who Becomes Family

I've often referred to Marliese as my second sister, and that's true. There are about 5 people I speak to on a daily basis: my parents, my sister, Donny and Marliese. Even if it's just for a minute, or a quick text. We've spent countless occasions and hours at each other's homes, we know each other's cousins and aunts/uncles, we open each other's fridges and care for each other's children. Without question. And when a parent or loved one is sick (and we've experienced this both ways), we feel it, because they are our family, too. 

Someone With Whom You Can Grow Old(er) 

We've been friends for 20 years. And we've grown a LOT in that time -- both physically, emotionally and personally. And I don't think that would have been possible if we didn't have all the aforementioned qualities.

Because finding a best friend is not all that different than finding a mate -- it is a lifelong commitment.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful best friend.